A moment of calm

Well, I've been thinking about it for a while and have finally got around to starting my blog. I also managed to sew the head back on my youngest daughters teddy but having found the missing leg from her doll now can't find the doll! That will be a job for another moment of calm. I am not sure what anyone will gain from reading my blog but I have decided that even if it simply serves as a way for me to process some of my thinking then it will be worth it.

How do you feel when someone takes a dislike to you? As a people pleaser this scenario has always presented a challenge for me, and I find that as an adult the feeling of rejection is just as painful. So what do I do about it? I have had to face this recently. And so I have been thinking a lot about how I respond. I remembered the verses from Matthew where Jesus challenges his listeners to love their enemies and pray for those that persecute them. Now, the person I'm talking about is not my enemy, but it would be so easy to sink into judgment and criticism of her or self analysis and condemnation of myself, so I hold those verses and have spent some time praying for her and blessing her. It would be tempting to pray that God would convict her of any wrong attitude towards me, but I don't want my prayer life to look like control. God isn't interested in performing magic. He is interested in my heart.  So I speak out words of blessing over her and find that really it doesn't matter what she thinks about me but what God thinks about me.

I am so glad that God is after my heart.  I am so relieved that he looks at me as a loving Father rather than a strict headmaster. At the end of the school year I feel an element of relief that my children will have me as their biggest influence for a few weeks as I know my heart for them is full of love. (I do highly value their teachers and their input too!) As a parent, I get it wrong, a lot! But as I dwell on it I recognise that God wants to teach me in love, just like I want to teach my children ‘in love’. He wants me to learn and to grow but in the context of his love.

I struggle sometimes to trust God completely, especially with my children. There are reasons for this but I am learning that I need to lean in closer to God and see how he looks at my children. I have rediscovered the importance of declarations over the last week or so. I managed to find another moment of calm last week and my daughter and I escaped for a half hour bike ride. As I pedalled along the country path I declared aloud my belief that God's intentions towards my children are good. That His heart is full of love for them. On my return home I actually felt different, more peaceful. I am aware that I so often speak out words that hang in the air and leave a grim atmosphere behind. I really want to bring the opposite! I want my words to reflect my intention to be a source of hope and peace for my home. I'll keep you posted about how I get on with that!