I am sat (on my birthing/pilates ball) listening to my 3 children playing lego, enjoying the unusual low noise level! It has been an eventful few months since I last wrote my blog. I am now in my 40th week of my pregnancy and it is a waiting game with everyone wondering when the baby will arrive. In my last post I shared some of my feelings about becoming a mum of 4 and I can truly say that this pregnancy has actually gone really well (so far!) and exceeded my expectations in terms of the peace that I have experienced and the lack of my anticipated health problems. I am not saying that is has all been easy, because it hasn't. Wearing TED (anti embolism) stocking on my right leg for the entire pregnancy has not always been simple ...think Cornish beach, post sea paddle with my leg in the air for 10 minutes before I struggle to pull the stocking on with some dignity! And trying to be patient with my 3 children when I have felt exhausted and really just want to go and sit down with a cup of tea.
One of the things that I realised over the last few weeks is how much I was getting involved in the sibling battles of my kids and how cross I was getting with them. I was shouting (which I try not to do) and losing it much more often. I had excused myself with the fact that I was pregnant, and therefore tired, emotional, hormonal etc. But what I realised a few weeks ago was that actually I was panicking! I was desperately trying to control my children and make them good as I had the thought "what will I do when I have a baby to look after too?" As I began to take a step back not only did my relationships with my children improve but their behaviour also improved as I allowed them to sort out their own squabbles with out swooping in to save the day. This is an ongoing challenge but one that I am now more focused on.
I've written before about the temptation to conform to other people's expectations of my children's behaviour and to be moulded by their judgements (based on sometimes minimal observation). It is a constant challenge to parent in a way that I have chosen rather than trying to please other people. I have been reminded of this recently and I have been dwelling on the image of a rainbow of colours. My children have their own unique hue (...!!) that they bring to the world around them. Some people, adults or other children, don't like their particular colour and may reject them. The temptation is to cover our children up with a more acceptable shade or try to change their hue. But then the world would miss out on their particular colour contribution to those around them. I have been challenged to celebrate the unique personalities that God has given my children. They are certainly not perfect and James and I are constantly discussing how we can help them with undesirable behaviours that affect their relationships but I also want them to be free to be themselves.
I was lying in bed this morning thinking about the family that this baby is being born into. Noisy, sometimes chaotic, with tantrums and consequences but lots of love. And I suddenly felt so grateful for my husband and children and thankful for the noise and colour of our house. I wonder what our new little blessing will bring to the rainbow. I know that we will be the richer for their arrival. I just hope that they arrive soon!
Sunday 29 September 2013
Wednesday 17 April 2013
take courage
Well, it has been a while since I have posted a blog and I have been mulling over my thoughts and trying to decide what to write about. So we are expecting our 4th child, the baby is due at the beginning of October so I am nearly 16 weeks pregnant at the moment. That should give me material for a few blog posts!!
It's funny, but I always had an image in my mind of what a mum of 4 looked like. And I am pretty sure that I would not have lived up to that image. My perception of a mum of 4 is someone who is uber organised (not me), crafty and creative (it really doesn't come naturally!), patient (at my best yes, in the everyday...not so much!), someone who cooks from scratch, probably batch, at some point early in the day (no! I'm more of the 4.45...agh what am I going to feed the kids and 7.30pm what am I going to feed James and me?)
But the truth is that I am going to be a mum of 4 and I guess there is no personality/skills test to check if I am going to manage but I will just have to do my best...that is all I can do. One of the things that I have been learning is that sometimes you just have to be brave. It is so easy to let panic fill us when we feel out of control or out of our depth. I have felt both of these things over the last 3 months and yet I have had to ask myself where my trust of God is. If I really trust God with my future then I can trust that He will not fail me now. It doesn't mean that it will be plain sailing, but it does mean that as well as an amazingly supportive husband, I know that God is with me too, and He is a good friend, a good Father and has the supernatural at His disposal! He tells me not to fear. He tells me to be full of hope and joy in all circumstances and I know that He is rejoicing over this baby too. Unlike many in society, my God really loves children. He isn't panicking about how I will cope. He isn't shocked that we are going to be well and truly outnumbered.
I am challenged during this time to depend more on God. To look to him for encouragement and to find peace in His presence. At the moment, with 2 children off school on holiday and a 2 year old, I am finding that a struggle but I am determined to find spaces with God where I can renew my mind and my strength.
I am sorry if this is too "God" focused today, but really I am just so grateful that James and I are not alone in this parenting role. Wisdom is the key and Jesus is the personification of wisdom. I know that I am going to grow as a person (not just physically!)but in many ways, through this pregnancy and beyond as I am well out of my comfort zone and that is when we either cower with fear or stretch out and grow. I aim to do the second. But I can't promise that it will be pretty!
It's funny, but I always had an image in my mind of what a mum of 4 looked like. And I am pretty sure that I would not have lived up to that image. My perception of a mum of 4 is someone who is uber organised (not me), crafty and creative (it really doesn't come naturally!), patient (at my best yes, in the everyday...not so much!), someone who cooks from scratch, probably batch, at some point early in the day (no! I'm more of the 4.45...agh what am I going to feed the kids and 7.30pm what am I going to feed James and me?)
But the truth is that I am going to be a mum of 4 and I guess there is no personality/skills test to check if I am going to manage but I will just have to do my best...that is all I can do. One of the things that I have been learning is that sometimes you just have to be brave. It is so easy to let panic fill us when we feel out of control or out of our depth. I have felt both of these things over the last 3 months and yet I have had to ask myself where my trust of God is. If I really trust God with my future then I can trust that He will not fail me now. It doesn't mean that it will be plain sailing, but it does mean that as well as an amazingly supportive husband, I know that God is with me too, and He is a good friend, a good Father and has the supernatural at His disposal! He tells me not to fear. He tells me to be full of hope and joy in all circumstances and I know that He is rejoicing over this baby too. Unlike many in society, my God really loves children. He isn't panicking about how I will cope. He isn't shocked that we are going to be well and truly outnumbered.
I am challenged during this time to depend more on God. To look to him for encouragement and to find peace in His presence. At the moment, with 2 children off school on holiday and a 2 year old, I am finding that a struggle but I am determined to find spaces with God where I can renew my mind and my strength.
I am sorry if this is too "God" focused today, but really I am just so grateful that James and I are not alone in this parenting role. Wisdom is the key and Jesus is the personification of wisdom. I know that I am going to grow as a person (not just physically!)but in many ways, through this pregnancy and beyond as I am well out of my comfort zone and that is when we either cower with fear or stretch out and grow. I aim to do the second. But I can't promise that it will be pretty!
Sunday 6 January 2013
New Year hopes...
As I steadily work my way through a box of chocolates I'm keen to take the opportunity to stop and consider my hopes for this new year. James is working in his makeshift office in the corner of our sitting room and I am not allowed to talk! So it's a perfect opportunity to write.
Christmas in our house has been a quiet- ish time. My parents have been away with my dad's work since September and we have really missed them, especially over Christmas. It was lovely to spend some time with my older brother and his family before Christmas and we had James' mum here for Christmas which was brilliant. But my younger brother, his wife and daughter live in America, and James brother and family spent Christmas overseas too so it has felt a bit strange this year. Less family time than I would have liked. So I suppose one of my hopes for 2013 is more time spent with our families. Difficult to manage when we are divided by miles and oceans but Skype and FaceTime are very helpful and need to be used more!
James has just taken down all the Christmas decorations. I shall especially miss our Angel light that has been hanging on the yew hedge outside our house. We first put the Angel up the Christmas we nearly spent in Great Ormond Street Hospital. We were heading back and forth to the hospital but we had an angel watching over our family. Symbolic, yes but pointing to something so real.
We have spent a lot of time at home over the last 2 weeks and I have been trying to tidy and organise some of our paperwork and also our eldest daughter's room. I hope to keep on top of things this year and be more organised! No small feat for me. James is the most organised person I know and I try but generally fail a lot. But, I will make more of an effort to get systems and processes in place that will keep me on track and impress my husband too! I just need to organise them!
Holidays with the children at home have their moments of stress, especially when it has rained constantly and they have found it difficult to get along with one another. But there have also been priceless moments. Like baking a cake with Florence after she had chosen a recipe, written it down and shopped with her dad to get the ingredients, baked it with me and then taken it to our friends house to share. It has also given the eldest two a chance to have sleepovers where they have made camps before falling asleep surrounded by toys. Millie has loved having the older two at home and keeps track of where everyone is. She will be most put-out on Tuesday when everyone is back to school and work.
So although I have found keeping the peace a struggle these last two weeks, I am also grateful for some time with my kids and a break from the running around. I hope that this year we will have good family time. More cakes baked together, cycle rides and wii game battles!
As I think about the coming months one of the things I find hard is deciding on how to invest my energy and time when there are so many good and worthwhile things I could be doing but not that much time. How do I work out which are the things that are right for me? Rather than things that are good to do. I am considering this at the moment as a couple of things that I wanted to commit to, clash. One of them I feel I should do because it will help a friend out but the other I had wanted to do because it would grow me and challenge me as I walk out my faith. Both are good to do, both will be fun, both would let someone down if I didn't go. So I have decided to do both! One week, one, the next week the other. I may look uncommitted but I think it's a good solution! This year I want to think about what I am doing and not be blown about in an attempt to please people. I want to be purposeful in how I spend the little amount of 'free' time that I have. Free time obviously means having a 2 year old with me too!
I want to worry less and pray more in 2013. Worry doesn't change a thing. But prayer really does. I have the awesome privilege of being godmother to 3 of my close friends children and one of my nieces. This year I want to commit to pray for them, purposefully, regularly. It fills me with excitement just contemplating that. But actually, with the business of family life, if I don't purpose to do something then days and weeks fly by and it wouldn't happen in the day to day. In the everyday I am going to need to make time for these important tasks. Maybe I'll ban myself from my iPhone, I really would save time if I didn't check my email and Facebook so much. Yes, that has got to make it into my plans for this year. Rationed iPhone use!!
I am sure that there are more things I can add but I wanted to finish by deciding that I want to live with hope this year. To hope for good things for my family and friends. To hope for the miracle not fear the worst. To have hope because I know that God is good and to let that hope really resonate in my heart this year.
Christmas in our house has been a quiet- ish time. My parents have been away with my dad's work since September and we have really missed them, especially over Christmas. It was lovely to spend some time with my older brother and his family before Christmas and we had James' mum here for Christmas which was brilliant. But my younger brother, his wife and daughter live in America, and James brother and family spent Christmas overseas too so it has felt a bit strange this year. Less family time than I would have liked. So I suppose one of my hopes for 2013 is more time spent with our families. Difficult to manage when we are divided by miles and oceans but Skype and FaceTime are very helpful and need to be used more!
James has just taken down all the Christmas decorations. I shall especially miss our Angel light that has been hanging on the yew hedge outside our house. We first put the Angel up the Christmas we nearly spent in Great Ormond Street Hospital. We were heading back and forth to the hospital but we had an angel watching over our family. Symbolic, yes but pointing to something so real.
We have spent a lot of time at home over the last 2 weeks and I have been trying to tidy and organise some of our paperwork and also our eldest daughter's room. I hope to keep on top of things this year and be more organised! No small feat for me. James is the most organised person I know and I try but generally fail a lot. But, I will make more of an effort to get systems and processes in place that will keep me on track and impress my husband too! I just need to organise them!
Holidays with the children at home have their moments of stress, especially when it has rained constantly and they have found it difficult to get along with one another. But there have also been priceless moments. Like baking a cake with Florence after she had chosen a recipe, written it down and shopped with her dad to get the ingredients, baked it with me and then taken it to our friends house to share. It has also given the eldest two a chance to have sleepovers where they have made camps before falling asleep surrounded by toys. Millie has loved having the older two at home and keeps track of where everyone is. She will be most put-out on Tuesday when everyone is back to school and work.
So although I have found keeping the peace a struggle these last two weeks, I am also grateful for some time with my kids and a break from the running around. I hope that this year we will have good family time. More cakes baked together, cycle rides and wii game battles!
As I think about the coming months one of the things I find hard is deciding on how to invest my energy and time when there are so many good and worthwhile things I could be doing but not that much time. How do I work out which are the things that are right for me? Rather than things that are good to do. I am considering this at the moment as a couple of things that I wanted to commit to, clash. One of them I feel I should do because it will help a friend out but the other I had wanted to do because it would grow me and challenge me as I walk out my faith. Both are good to do, both will be fun, both would let someone down if I didn't go. So I have decided to do both! One week, one, the next week the other. I may look uncommitted but I think it's a good solution! This year I want to think about what I am doing and not be blown about in an attempt to please people. I want to be purposeful in how I spend the little amount of 'free' time that I have. Free time obviously means having a 2 year old with me too!
I want to worry less and pray more in 2013. Worry doesn't change a thing. But prayer really does. I have the awesome privilege of being godmother to 3 of my close friends children and one of my nieces. This year I want to commit to pray for them, purposefully, regularly. It fills me with excitement just contemplating that. But actually, with the business of family life, if I don't purpose to do something then days and weeks fly by and it wouldn't happen in the day to day. In the everyday I am going to need to make time for these important tasks. Maybe I'll ban myself from my iPhone, I really would save time if I didn't check my email and Facebook so much. Yes, that has got to make it into my plans for this year. Rationed iPhone use!!
I am sure that there are more things I can add but I wanted to finish by deciding that I want to live with hope this year. To hope for good things for my family and friends. To hope for the miracle not fear the worst. To have hope because I know that God is good and to let that hope really resonate in my heart this year.
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