I am sat (on my birthing/pilates ball) listening to my 3 children playing lego, enjoying the unusual low noise level! It has been an eventful few months since I last wrote my blog. I am now in my 40th week of my pregnancy and it is a waiting game with everyone wondering when the baby will arrive. In my last post I shared some of my feelings about becoming a mum of 4 and I can truly say that this pregnancy has actually gone really well (so far!) and exceeded my expectations in terms of the peace that I have experienced and the lack of my anticipated health problems. I am not saying that is has all been easy, because it hasn't. Wearing TED (anti embolism) stocking on my right leg for the entire pregnancy has not always been simple ...think Cornish beach, post sea paddle with my leg in the air for 10 minutes before I struggle to pull the stocking on with some dignity! And trying to be patient with my 3 children when I have felt exhausted and really just want to go and sit down with a cup of tea.
One of the things that I realised over the last few weeks is how much I was getting involved in the sibling battles of my kids and how cross I was getting with them. I was shouting (which I try not to do) and losing it much more often. I had excused myself with the fact that I was pregnant, and therefore tired, emotional, hormonal etc. But what I realised a few weeks ago was that actually I was panicking! I was desperately trying to control my children and make them good as I had the thought "what will I do when I have a baby to look after too?" As I began to take a step back not only did my relationships with my children improve but their behaviour also improved as I allowed them to sort out their own squabbles with out swooping in to save the day. This is an ongoing challenge but one that I am now more focused on.
I've written before about the temptation to conform to other people's expectations of my children's behaviour and to be moulded by their judgements (based on sometimes minimal observation). It is a constant challenge to parent in a way that I have chosen rather than trying to please other people. I have been reminded of this recently and I have been dwelling on the image of a rainbow of colours. My children have their own unique hue (...!!) that they bring to the world around them. Some people, adults or other children, don't like their particular colour and may reject them. The temptation is to cover our children up with a more acceptable shade or try to change their hue. But then the world would miss out on their particular colour contribution to those around them. I have been challenged to celebrate the unique personalities that God has given my children. They are certainly not perfect and James and I are constantly discussing how we can help them with undesirable behaviours that affect their relationships but I also want them to be free to be themselves.
I was lying in bed this morning thinking about the family that this baby is being born into. Noisy, sometimes chaotic, with tantrums and consequences but lots of love. And I suddenly felt so grateful for my husband and children and thankful for the noise and colour of our house. I wonder what our new little blessing will bring to the rainbow. I know that we will be the richer for their arrival. I just hope that they arrive soon!
